Catholic balls

From the Daily Mash:

POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.

Looking as if he believed every word of it, the Pontiff claimed it was the Nazis' atheism that drove them to kill millions and warned that the smart arse you argue with in the pub about religion will eventually gas you in a camp near Watford.

Stephen Hawking rules modern art is rubbish after all

I love the idea that the world was basically waiting with baited breath for Stephen Hawking to make a ruling on the existence of God:

There is no place for God in theories on the creation of the Universe, Professor Stephen Hawking has said.

He had previously argued belief in a creator was not incompatible with science but in a new book, he concludes the Big Bang was an inevitable consequence of the laws of physics.

The Daily Mash:

"And - though it probably goes without saying - if the creation did not involve chocolate or monkey balloons, then who made your so-called 'physics'? Thrust and parry!"

Professor Hawking had previously argued that a 'grand unified theory of everything' could offer a glimpse inside the mind of chocolate but now accepts that such a discovery would finally make chocolate irrelevant, except for maybe Aeros and Wispas.